It's just really hard to leave

 I got 10 things listed last night, Ken called and said he'd not be by, so I put things away and did a lot of things like that. 

I did some octave exercises and am now conscious of how much pressure I'm using but I still had some trouble. I think the octaves exercise on the headjoint is probably a good warm-up but it's probably harder on the lips than actual playing. 

Needless to say I've been not only listening to the radio but reading lots of things on Reddit. It's looking really bad. Someone on Reddit: "What about the 70% of us who don't want these things to happen?" Well, easily 70% of Germans would have voted not to be Nazi, keep in mind they were more educated and cultured then than we are now, and yet the Nazis ended up taking over. 

On leaving, I'm seeing over and over that it's just really hard to leave. And it's going to get worse, as there seems to be a worldwide recession, perhaps depression, building. It's the same situation as Germany, 1931 or 1932. No one wants you, unless you're highly skilled in some niche area and even then, it was very hard for even atomic scientists to get out. The US was not only not taking German Jews, it wasn't taking German, period. Scientists, writers, etc. had to have lots of fame, lots of fame, lots of money, and lots of patience as they got out by country-hopping until they got into England or the US. 

Hence, going back to Hawaii is my most solid plan. From there it may be possible to take a small boat to some other part of Oceania, thence to Asia but again, that's not going to work unless I end up being very skilled at the flute or shakuhachi or something. But Hawaii may be safe enough. 

I mean, I was there one day in the 80s when a lady rammed her car into a traffic signal box to keep from going into cross traffic. Her brakes had gone out. It was quick thinking on her part. When I went back in 2003, that same traffic signal box was still messed up. Hawaii is just slow and lackadaisical enough that it might be livable when the mainland is not. 

Ken came over and brought stuff to list, packing boxes, and my check. I also got the Flute 101 book but not the key oil which is out of stock - "to follow later". I have a sneaking suspicion that Yamaha trumpet valve oil is the same oil, or close enough... 

Ken and I talked about everything under the sun. He said Suzy, his wife, who'd been getting about $900 a month from Social Security, is now getting about $1200. She and I have about the same profile; enough years in the work force to get a payout, but not very high earnings. It's impossible to get a statement from the Social Security Administration outside of East Coast working hours, even online, it seems, but I found a little calculator and once I put in earnings somewhat like what I've earned over the years, it came out around $1200. 

This subject came up because we were discussing plans for the time between now and 2024, when, I maintained, the country is probably going to go full fascist. I said between now and then, there are only a couple of things that can happen. (a) Something can happen to Ken's health like a stroke or car accident, or (b) Ken can lose his day job. Ken said in that case he'd just ramp-up his Ebay selling and work here. That's when I got hepped up about telling him how eager I am to be back home in Hawaii, where my memories are... 

I said I planned to have enough money saved to do nothing for a year once I'm back, and that my plan is for Social Security to enable me to rent a room if not a small apartment, and then my busking will take care of food money. Left unsaid was the fact that if Ken's around here all the time I'll want to get out of here, and back there, as soon as possible. I just need things to hold together for a couple more years...