Normal is great

 53rd day sober. Up around 3. I'd done some practice last night after listing some big things Ken had brought by, about 7 grand worth so I hope the stuff sells. 

My sleep was great. Weird dreams still but not as vivid, and easy to get to sleep too. I'd even had a coffee in the evening and no problem. I can see now that I'd been kind of "off" for a few days before the headache so whatever it was, was affecting me for closer to a week. 

Feeling normal is great. Being sober is great - I used to feel really bad about myself if I couldn't find a thing that needed shipping, or any of a number of other disappointments. But now that I'm off the sauce, I don't have those low points of despair. There's a sort of base-level of well being. That's probably my brain making the right amount of dopamine again. 

This is not to say things aren't a bit precarious. Our Ebay sales are still not very good, and I've told Ken this may be because people are not shut in so much now and we may see a drop to a lower level just like we saw much better sales when there were lock downs and curfews etc. 

Ken has said he's not going to lower my pay down past $300 a month so that's a base level, but really all this job is, is a way to exist until I'm eligible for Social Security and I can leave here. 

This is why I need to work on the trumpet so much more. So far I love the Rubank book. The exercises have a way of having the student play fairly high without stress and strain, because the exercises are interesting. 

I packed a couple of big things to take to FedEx and was almost thinking I'd break my promise to only eat home-cooked foods all week but before heading out I had a couple of boiled eggs and so I was not hungry and tempted as I made my drop-offs and went around picking up packing materials. 

I packed some small things to take to the post office on my way to the bank the next day, and just as I was packing the last thing Ken came by. He had tons of scientific stuff to drop off, wrote out my check, and we hung out and talked about mostly technical stuff for a while. 

After he was gone I made some pork ramen and ate that, and listed 20 small things I had already cued up, as well as stashing away the stuff he'd brought by. 

I did a practice which went fairly well and did the math regarding my last pay check - I've only spent about $125 out of it.