Hypernormalisation

128th day sober. As the old Soviet poster puts it: Nyet!  

I practiced before bed but I don't feel it went that well. Trouble on the higher notes. Is it fatigue? The crappy air? (AQI hovering around 100). I hoped I could "get my body used to it" by forcing the higher notes, making them more like a screech - sometimes when I do this then relax, the higher notes then come out OK. But I just don't know what's going on. 

Hypernormalisation is a term film maker Adam Curtis came up with or adopted, to describe social conditions in the old USSR. People knew something was wrong, but could not quite put a finger on it. So in the absence of anything else to do, they kept going through the motions. They tried to keep things "normal" even if the outcomes of their actions were disjointed and weird. This is how things are in the US now, where going to college lowers your life earnings, altruism gets you punished, etc. But because we don't know what else to do, we all keep going along, doing what we think is "normal". 

I did my practice before getting onto the day's/evening's work and .... while yes I am creeping, ever so slowly, toward being able to play the higher notes more easily, and to facilitate this I am working on higher-note versions of songs that are kind of fun to play like the high-note "Red River Valley" and playing Saints an octave up from where I normally do, which if I can pull it off when out busking would really put some sizzle into my "Saints" game. 

It gets frustrating though. Too often the high notes just sound painful, and will I ever be able to play any better than any of several kids to be found at any halfway decent high school? The technical standards to be a busker are very, very low but still, I have to listen to myself.  It somewhat horrifies me to think that the public might think some of the sounds I put out, to me, are acceptable.