Not-so-thirsty-Thursday

Ken had called and said he's not coming over, but to come over tonight. I hunted down and packed a bunch of things, but not before getting a practice in and having some dinner.

I'm not too happy with my playing. I think ideally I'd do two practice sessions a day with one just exercises and one that's just playing music, to develop repertoire. But the main thing is consistency; to just keep up practicing at least 6 days of the week.

I went to bed on maybe 60ml of liquor and some "Sleepy Time" tea, and slept OK if by OK is meant, Woken up at about 9AM by the buys next door doing a lot of .... building something out of wood I guess. Nice and noisy but that's their right. And they're building stuff - that's always good. I know they've built their own shelving inside their unit, and they're good neighbors, not making dust or smells, and just going in and out with their cleaning trucks and doing whatever they do.

I was awake again at about 1, and then again at almost 4. Get all the sleep I want, is my policy.

My ear is still acting up, and I'm glad I ordered that bottle of "Dettol" which I did because it has the same ingredient as this hospital type cleaner Ken brought over, Chloroxylenol. The little bottle has been left open and I just realized something - it has almost no oder. The active ingredient, being quite aromatic and smelly with a strong "elementary school soap" smell, has mostly evaporated.

My super-neato plunger laundry washing gadget will come to Ken's house today/tonight, so I'll have it within another week. And I even picked up a bucket lid and have a nice bucket up in the loft, so I can do the trick where you use a lid with a hole in it for the plunger handle, to control splashing. The tall trash can can be repurposed into a laundry hamper. Once I've got a system worked out for washing laundry, hanging it to drip, then hanging it upstairs for the final dry, it will be much better than the hassle of going to the laundromat.

I cooked my bacon and eggs and packed a lot of things to mail out, and then settled down to a practice session of a bit over an hour - no exercises all actual songs, with lots of The Internationale, God Bless America, etc things I'd like to play tomorrow since tomorrow's May 1.

Pretty soon Ken came by, and he brought the plunger washing thing. It looks pretty neat, and I'll have to do some laundry with it to try it out. The stick, which has the same thread as any plunger or painter's pole, goes in kind of crooked but it seems if I muscle it around a bit it goes in straighter.

He also wrote out my pay check, and brought by a bunch of boxes for packing, and some stuff to list. We messed around checking out a mainframe that plug-ins go into, and I fixed him a cup of tea and we talked a while, as is the usual unless he's in a hurry. I asked him if he felt like taking the packages I'd packed to the post office and FedEx because "I'm 95% sure I can fix my bike tire OK, but it's the 5% I worry about" and he said he would. So that's great. The shipping's taken care of, and I can simply go downtown and play my cornet for May Day. If I can't get the bike going or just don't feel like it, I can walk out to the light rail station and go downtown that way. 

I felt so good about things I made an absolutely excellent miso soup with mackerel for late dinner. 

A guy on the radio....

Is talking about how they treated the corona virus problem in China. It's amazing - they tested everyone suspected, gave everyone they were testing CAT scans (wut? That costs thou$and$ in the USA and most can't afford it) and were serious about isolating people. They didn't let up until they had zero new cases. Contact tracing, red/green/yellow status tracking, etc. The guy's saying, "It's intrusive, but it's effective" and it is - China's had a tiny amount of cases compared to the US. It just shows how much more effective good old Communism is whether it's handling space exploration or a pandemic (or a World War which the Russians did the lion's share of fighting).

Up at 1, I had some alcohol last night, 100ml combined with a cup of "Sleeptytime" tea.

Last night I ordered a thing I've heard of for a long time, a "Kelly Kettle" which is a very interesting thing; it's a stainless steel teakettle, that sits on a base and has the water in a jacket around a hole in the center. It sits on a sort of cup base with a hole or two in it, and what you do is take anything burn-able like pine cones or sticks etc., burn it in the base, and the hole up the center of the kettle acts as a chimney, and it heats water very quickly. Campers swear by it. I've also been fascinated by various little stoves and built a few, and personally I like the idea of using junk mail to boil water, plus if I have to go into a real shelter in place, I might not be able to get butane for my regular stove I cook on, but I could cook on this. I could be stealthy enough by cooking upstairs in the loft.

I checked a couple of days ago on a link I found on Reddit to check on the status of one's $1200 check, and the gov't site said mine would be mailed may 1, which means I'll actually get it a week or two later, between the time in the mail and the time for Ken to get it to me.

I rode over to Nijiya to get some things from there, and it was the usual line outside, then line inside, then checking out took forever. Somehow their card system was fucking up and it took many steps and the cashier had to do it, which only has me determined to hoard more cash. Shopping is not trivial now.

I got back, ate the sashimi on rice thing I'd gotten as a treat, then packed the 7 things I had to ship within 24 hours, and had just enough time for that. I also took a large number of the long "large" flat-rate boxes we had here, back to the post office because we'll never use 'em.

I stopped by H mart to feel out the vibes, thinking maybe the security guard guy could watch my bike again while I shop, but there was a scumsucker hovering around the area, probably someone would leave a bike unlocked or something, so I just rode back, found one large box by Sanmina, and got back here.

I dropped off the box and the trailer because I was going to ride back up to H Mart without the trailer and be able to lock the bike up. Except just as I got to the beginning of Junction Avenue, my rear tire started leaking, badly. I tried pumping it up and thought more riding might make the Slime inside plug the leaks, but then realized I'd forgotten to take the bungee cords out of the pannier and put the lock in. So I rode back here to do that, and halfway up the parking lot the tire went really flat and I had to walk the bike, holding the rear end up.

Alcohol-Free?

I had about 75ml last night and went to sleep, weird dreams and a couple of times woke up sweaty, pulled the covers off then cooled off, covers back on ... it's gotten much warmer and I think it's been difficult to adjust. Pretty soon I'll take my fan down from the loft and have it blowing on me when I sleep.

I feel a little "weird" but no shakiness, and my heart's not pounding like it was a day or two ago. And this is only Tuesday. I might have 50ml in some ginseng drink at bedtime tonight and call that good enough.

I did some mental math and realized that each of those large cans of corned beef hash that I got will give me 24 servings assuming 4-oz servings. When I first got into "keto" eating, I was quite a bit larger and wanted larger portions of meat, I believe 8oz was my standard. That went down to 6oz, and now I'm finding that a 6oz. portion even of something lighter like salmon is a bit much so now I measure everything out in 4oz. portions. I like to have things in the freezer, all pre-cut and ready to have with scrambled eggs, in a curry or a miso soup, or over vegetables. What most people skip over are the vegetables; you gotta eat lots of vegetables to be healthy.

This shutdown certainly has me just about completely off of restaurant and prepared foods. Sure, I might buy some fish cake  for $3-odd or a small bento on sale for $6, but this is really the new age of cooking and eating at home.

The cellulitis on my right ear keeps refusing to go away, so I'm just washing it often but I'm trying out washing it, then re-washing it with some smelly handwash Ken brought over in a little bottle that has something like "chloroxylene" in it. I did some looking around online and it's used in hospitals and a bit hard to get, except the tattoo/piercing community uses it so it's available for "civilian" use as long as one doesn't mind paying for it. Result: An almost $40 bottle of the stuff coming to me from Amazon. It's worth having around. And far cheaper than trying to see a doctor.

I took the bones and fat left over from the beef ribs and trimmed all the stuff off of the bones, making up 5 nice servings for the birds. I tossed one up on the roof and put the rest in the fridge. So now I had a bag of the bones, and I took a bag of trash and this bag of bones and put the bones out on the median on Zanker Road where I saw a crow moseying around. I got rid of the bag of trash and checked to see if any goodies were left behind the lab place but none were. And not much packing material around; I just found one large flat piece of firm foam. It's still enough to pack one of the things I have to ship.

I got back, cooked up some bacon and eggs, watched some YouTube, and got in a practice session. I'm sure the bums heard me but they had problems of their own, yelling and fighting. And the guy from the ice cream place was still here; I could see his van. As I finished my practice up I saw him go out to his van, then walk over to Crazy Chrissie and I think, complain about some damage that had been done to it, probably by her or her scumbag friends. They had quite a discussion in the parking lot, probably him say it's got to be her or her scumbag friends, and her trying to convince him that may be it was someone else around her, to no avail.

The ice cream guy (name of Manual I think I overheard) pulled the van in and closed the roll-up door. This is why I think he lives in there. Pretty soon more scumbags came around and at one point there was besides a car or three, a motor scooter, a truck, and a bicycle. They all circled around and bitched at each other and the usual bum things, then all went away except of course for Crazy Chrissie who may declare herself a Parkinglotastinian and claim that that corner's her homeland.

I cooked up a nice miso soup with a mushroom and beef theme, using the half-serving of the beef I'd just cut up. It's ... OK. The beef, I mean; the soup was great.

I pulled out the things I need to pack so the packing will only be mildly annoying instead of very annoying. And picked out some things to list on Ebay.

Tapering further down

I felt like hell yesterday while packing a ton of packages, but interestingly, once it was late at night, I seemed to calm down. Ebay sales are good and there were about 25 packages to pack, which is quite a lot as it's not just small things but some larger ones too. I want to maintain a M-W-F shipping schedule.

I didn't sleep that well last night (lots of weird dreams) but it was better than last night. I'd had 125ml at bedtime and a very little, like a capful, a couple of times during the day when I felt too shaky.

I was up at about 3, and decided, after coffee etc. to do my grocery run first because being earlier means a better chance of getting eggs, and doing the package run later means more chance of there being a box of goodies left behind the lab commerce place.

I was right, too. There were eggs at H Mart, and they had the beef I like to buy, albeit in a 5-1/2 lb package. It was only $6-something a lb, so even if I toss half of it out in the form of gristle and bones, it'll be the same price as Nijiya's beef, but have far better flavor. And this was here, now, to be bought. The eggs I got are "happy eggs" which have a really dark yolk and are supposed to be all kinds of healthy, but to me what mattered was they're not too small and the package was the most durable. That gives the best chance of not losing any on the trip home. I got a bunch of other things too, coming to $67-odd and I had $60 in cash so of course there was the big pain in the ass of going to their customer service register to pay because it's the only one that works with my card. And I'd cleaned it before leaving too.

It was seriously hot outside, so I'd worn a short-sleeved shirt and put on some sunscreen so I'd not get a burn before my skin tans. I'd not used that sunscreen for something like 5 years, maybe longer, but I was glad I had it stored away. I also picked up some house slippers, Korean style, for $4 to paddle around on in the shop here. Maybe the Crocs I ordered won't fit, and they're another week off I think. These are less than 3 oz. each; I'd weighed one because I was amazed how light they are.

I got right back to the shop and put things away and had a sort of Israeli-style meal of a can of black olives, cucumber slices, and pickles. They're seriously into veggies, which cost about 1/3 what they do here. It's a nice way to eat when it's hot, and to be properly Israeli there'd be some boiled eggs, and maybe a bit of hummus.

Now it was 5, and time to take off with the packages. I got up to the P.O. fine and there was far less traffic at 5PM than at 3PM, where in a normal economy it's more crazy at 5. People must be shortening their hours.

On the ride up to the P.O., I pondered something. While in line at H Mart to pay, I'd noticed they had these big food service type cans of corned beef hash. Maybe not Mary Kitchen quality, but the kind you get when you go to a mom-n-pop breakfast place of the old style where the waitress calls you "Hun".

It was $8-odd for a 3-kg can. I decided I wanted the four I'd seen. So did I risk losing the bike, trailer, or both by leaving my rig unlocked outside, or do I make a special trip? After dropping off my packages I asked if the security guard would watch my bike and he said he sure would. He likes me. It's a matter of how the tribes work. The security guy's an old Hispanic dude, and we'd talked about this 'n' that from time to time. I'm not Hispanic but being tan, can pass as a very Americanized Hispanic but a Hispanic all the same. And I know a little Spanish, and have a real soft spot for old guys like this, so hell yeah he'll watch my bike.

I went in and got my 4 cans, paid cash, and they fit fine in the "Banker's Box" I had sitting in the bike trailer. H Mart has 3 more which I may get, or someone else may get. That's why I wanted to get 'em today. I came back by my usual route, picking up a few boxes and things for packing, but no goodies left behind the lab place today - it is Monday after all.

And no bum contact - yay. There was one chance of it, where I was going to come into the complex off of Old Bayshore, and saw bum activity by the side of the building so I turned quickly, went down Queen's Lane, and in by the front. There was a bum in front working on the wheels of one of their shitty bum-minivans but he was intent on his grinding and sparks and I was able to ride by.

I got in, cooked up some beef and eggs, did a bit of Ebay stuff, and got a good practice session in. So I guess I am feeling better.  Crazy Chrissie and her latest boyfriend were outside yelling at each other but it's probably no secret I'm in here these days, after all, where's the metal scrap I put out coming from? I'm pretty sure there's a guy living in in the Mr. Softee place and one living in the unit on the end which is/was some kind of machine shop. 

Trumpet teacher Claude Gordon is right in that "it's no harder than deep breathing" in reality it seems to be a coordinated use of muscles you're not used to using in coordination along with some you're not used to using at all. And it can't be forced. There are great similarities with target shooting. That can't be forced either, and the only way to get good at it is to do it a lot. 

After trumpet practice I listed some things on Ebay, watched some stuff on YouTube, and "played with my food" by which I mean, sliced a package of bacon into 8 servings, a package of hot dogs into 4, and the big package of beef ribs I'd bought into 9-1/2 servings. The beef still worked out to costing more than the ready-to-go stuff from Nijiya and it was a lot of work. All of these servings went into the freezer and I'm considering getting the laboratory freezer Ken got some somewhere, out of the warehouse part of the shop and set it up so my little fridge/freezer sits on top of it, and then I can get some of these really good deals on things like lamb shank from Whole Foods, but you have to buy the whole shank at one time.  Costco is like that too - great deals on meat but you have to buy quite a bit at one time. Of course using the lab freezer would make the electric bill higher, but I'd tell Ken he could store stuff in it too since his freezer at his house is always full.

I drank a hell of a lot less

I felt like utter crap last night and kept that great feeling going by not drinking. Being dependent on alcohol is one of the most depressing things ever.

I managed to make some of the instant miso soup I had on hand, and got 20 Ebay items listed.

I drank a much smaller amount before bed, a bit less than 100ml, and just barely managed to get some sleep with some pretty weird dreams but more interesting than scary.

Now I have to "white knuckle it" and just be uncomfortable for a few days. Alcohol withdrawal also makes blood pressure go way up, so I'm not going to practice until I'm over this. 

I drank too much

After all the busyness of mailing packages, and shopping, and finding stuff, I got back and relaxed perhaps too much. I didn't practice, I drank too much, and went to bed. I can tall I drank too much because apparently in the night I'd gone to the bathroom without making it to the bathroom. Now I especially need to do laundry.

Shortly after I got up at 3 or so, there was a massive bum fight/screaming match outside. It was between a male and a female bum, and as usual I could not understand what was being yelled in their lower-class dialect, but could only tell that they were very angry. They took off in one of the bum-cars I see around here at night.

I've taken to reading r/preppers on Reddit for obvious reasons, and one thread about safe, secure feeling one gets from having food stored really struck me. One person said they grew up food-insecure, so they've always stored food etc. I guess I'd have to call how I grew up, *very* food-insecure, because by the time I was in my teens we'd become so poor that any food that came in was eaten right away. There was no saving up food. I lived literally hand-to-mouth.

Later, out on my own, it was sheer luxury to buy a package of hot dogs and have the whole package to myself. To just go and eat a hot dog, just like that. And I thought I was poor, but looking back, my eat-it-before-someone-sees-it habits had me eating restaurant food when I should have been stacking flour and such things under my bed and cooking my own meals and stacking away money even when I was living in a rooming house and making $400 a month.

I can go back over the decades, pausing at each one and thinking, "And I thought I was poor".

I tell people, "Save, save, save your money". Right now, I don't make a ton of money, but as much as I've been spending on "prepping" I've still got a fair amount of the stuff. I just spent $8-odd on Amazon on a 10-pack of P-51 Army type can openers, to keep a couple or few for myself, give one to Ken, and hand the rest to homeless people. And almost $40 on a set of those really ugly "Crocs" shoes, the "Bistro" model, as I've known for a while that Crocs are popular with kitchen staff. I need something cooler to wear around here than my "Bear Paws" which are like low-budget Uggs, and I couldn't stomach paying $80 for another pair of Vans.

Playing trumpet is a regular phantasmagoria of droplets, so I'm not sure how soon busking will again be a thing. This brings me to something I was thinking very seriously about yesterday. Maybe I should be a sign painter after all. There are a lot of arguments for it. Takes less lung power. Can sell signs online. Doing signs in Hebrew would do wonders for my learning the language. Background in art - it surprised everyone that I went into electronics instead.

And I came around to the same brick wall I always have: Art was something I was expected to do, and then had to do, to earn a little money to feed myself and my sisters. There are just too many bad memories and it's also why I could never go back to Hawaii. After WWII, were there droves of Jews going back to their old towns where their families had lived for centuries? Hell no - they got to the US or Palestine/Israel as soon as they could. Someplace completely new.

Long ago I knew a guy in the amateur radio community who wasn't the smartest guy but well-liked because if anyone needed a favor, he'd do it. He'd been a violinist, and now was retired, living there in Punahou Towers, there in Honolulu. I visited him once and he had a violin hanging on his wall that I looked at wistfully. Would he teach me? He'd been a "Concertmaster" so very good, but he never wanted to touch the violin ever again. He'd put in his time, done his bit, and now he was done with it. I wish I'd known to look to see if he had a tattoo on his arm.

Playing the violin had enabled him to survive, no doubt. Just like art, whether a portrait or a very carefully done counterfeit car safety inspection sticker, enabled me to survive. I've felt so bad about myself over the years, beating myself up because I "should" like to do art, but I have to accept that it's a very real thing that one should have to use a talent or an ability to survive and not really like it, just use it as a tool that one wants to toss aside as soon as they can.

To me, it'd be absolutely wonderful to be highly skilled at the violin. But my retired violinist friend was possibly forced to practice by a starving family, or who knows what horrors. I was never even that great an artist, so it's not like some great talent died here. I was told I was talented, endlessly. But really it was just sheer exposure; constantly being given art materials. Both parents were frustrated artists, so it figures.

But what really gets me is, the people dying of the virus that are being mourned are the musicians. There are a cross-section of people dying of every occupation, but the ones people care about are the musicians. A guy's a fireman, so he's basically a hero for a living, but he plays trumpet in the evenings and that gets him in the news. He probably learned by grinding through the Rubank books in high school band, and he plays a few songs in the evening with "meh" skill level and he's on the national news.

Between having drank too much and God knows what else going on, I feel like crap. I managed to clean myself, top to bottom, and tried on the pair of shorts I picked up from the pile of free clothes on 6th street. Perfect fit.  The one bright spot in a lousy day/night. I didn't practice and I'm not having dinner because it seems like my breakfast hasn't settled down.

27 Packages

Last night I packed, and today I took to FedEx and the P.O., 27 packages. It made for quite a load on the bike trailer.

For some reason I'm the email contact person for the property owner here, and I get the rent bill now. I printed off a couple of copies for Ken.

I didn't practice last night, due to my being tired, mopey, etc., and by the time I "felt" like practicing, it was past 10 at night, the ice cream guys were gone, and the crackheads were starting their all-night routine of, I dunno, doing things with their cars. I swear, there are F1 race cars that don't get as much attention.

I feel like I'm over the bug I had there for a bit. Throat no longer sore, a little stuff in my lungs but over it.

I've been drinking 1 Korean red ginseng drink a day and eating the root of course. And drinking white lightning, which isn't good for sobriety but it seems to have helped me get over the bug. Now I just have to taper down a bit.

I was up and having coffee at 4, and got out of here with my tall load on the bike trailer at 5. On the way back I checked the lab place and sure enough found more goodies to list on Ebay. I could get used to this.

I got back and cooked up some bacon and eggs, and headed out again at 7. Nice long line at H Mart but it's nice that the line is outside in the fresh air. I got all kinds of things from more high-test Chinese white liquor to another pack of 10 bottles of ginseng drink. It came to a bit over $70 and I had $60 cash, but strangely the POS terminal was working OK.

I got back here safely, and am looking forward to the weekend because I don't have to go out if I don't want to. 

Change to Summer Uniform

Well I got a pair of shorts out. It's warm enough now to go to my summer uniform. Actually, yesterday on my way back from downtown, someone had put some bags of clothes out, and nothing interested me but I did pick out a pair of "uniqlo" boxers that ought to fit me, and pretty soon it will be warm enough that I'll be going around in boxers and a t-shirt in here.

Ken came by last night and I told him how easy it'd been to use the ATM to deposit my check, and we shot the bull about technical stuff, and all in all it was a nice visit. He brought me a notice from Medi-Cal saying I've got coverage for the next year so that's good. Apparently they cover eyeglasses too so if things normalize I can see about getting a new pair.

I'm trying to back out of buying the little washer-spinner I ordered on Amazon, and I'm not sure how that's going. Since it's not a Prime item I don't get to back out that easily so I "probably" am not buying it but I "may" be buying it .... I worry less these days about $150 because money seems less real. Why worry so much about it when everything might go all to holy hell in 6 months?

The internet's getting wonkier too. I'm sure past the ideal time to stock up on books esp. the classics. At least I can fill out my library of trumpet repertoire by ordering the books on Amazon.

I headed out at about 5, went to the Amazon place first and picked up my Reading Hebrew book and two Pur filters I'd ordered, and got some extra empty bubble mailers to use in shipping too.

Next was the ATM, where again I was able to deposit my check very easily. This is making banking a joy. My last check cleared, and the amount is what I expected it to be.

Next I rode up to CVS, because I'd decided I wanted to buy, if they still had one, a "handle" of Stolichnaya vodka. It might be the last "Stoli" I'll ever see. The CVS on the Alameda is ghetto-as-fuck, and sure enough, there were all kinds of "people of Wal-Mart" type people going in and out. I got a cart and went through the store and got an amazing haul. I found a 3-pack of the Pur filters because hello, the clientele of this CVS don't filter their water. I found shoe polish and laces and witch hazel and index cards and their two last cans of "Mary Kitchen" corned beef hash, the official corned beef hash of the Apocalypse. The Stoli and the filters accounted for $70 or so on their own, so the total was about $118. Fair enough.

I loaded up the bike trying to be as casual about having all this "treasure" in-hand as possible and hurried out of the area trying not to look like I was in a hurry. Some yelled at me as I rode out from under the bridge by the train station, and I just boogied out of the area before I relaxed a bit - just a bit.

Downtown, there was a guy I've talked to a number of times, a black guy who plays some very nice music on an electric guitar. I stopped and put my mask on, and gave him the $5 in singles I had on hand. We talked a bit, and I told him I deal with a lot of electronics stuff and I'll try to find some connectors and things like that he can use.

There were a lot of bums and crazies out on the street. Bums and crazies everywhere. I contemplated stopping at Weinerschnitzel for some jalapeno poppers on my way back, but it and the Fosters Freeze on the other corner had this sort of cloud of bums and crazies staggering around and I thought better of it.

When I got back near the shop here there were cars prowling around in suspicious ways, so I had to circle around and sort of sneak up on this place, then once I got to the door here the ice cream trucks were out and I just got the bike into the ship quickly and shut the door - in for the night.

I checked and my order for the electric washer has been canceled. I *did* order a plunger sort of thing Lehman's (store that caters to Amish and off-grid people) sells, but being sold by the actual maker, called a "breathing" plunger. What's made me decide on this is all the reviews by people saying it gets their clothes cleaner than a regular washing machine at a laundromat. And I can just use a tall round plastic trash can and I won't need to mess around having to have a lid with a hole etc. This "breathing" plunger thing isn't cheap, almost $60, but I think it's going to work out really well.

Feel better, and it's Earth Day

Was up at 2. I feel a bit better, less sniffly and in fact all clear when I woke up. Just a little "stuff" but my throat's not scratchy any more. Of course I could have taken my temperature, but that requires effort, a thing I deplore.

I've been thinking about why I "prep" IE have food and things stored up, so that I can hole up in here for months. If things get as bad as they might, what's the use? The only answer I can come up with is, the preps give me some time. Time to think or to contemplate, choose my own ending or maybe make it through long enough to do my part for the socialist revolution.

I rode over to Nijiya first and got two little bottles of the "Seasoned pepper" (1/3 salt, 1/3 pepper, 1/3 MSG) I like to use so much, some green onions, another thing or two, and a small bento, my favorite, 3 kinds of fish with seaweed on rice. I found a place to sit and eat around the corner and it was pretty nice, with it being calm and quiet and the air so clear. I left some fish bones and skin and some rice under a tree for some critter to find, because it's hard time for them, with so few people leaving scraps around.

Next was the bank, but I decided to try riding down 6th street instead of 5th and found a neat discovery: A "little library" by the Weslayan church with some food and books in it. The books were almost all on learning Russian and I didn't need any of the food, but it was a nice assortment of peanut butter, a cup ramen, peaches in syrup, etc. Now I know another place to drop off books or any donations I might want to.

I went over to my bank's ATM and deposited my check. It was really easy! The ATM couldn't read Ken's messy handwriting for the amount so it just asked me the amount, like "what am I supposed to be seeing here?" and I put in $300.00 and it accepted that (it'll get checked over by a human later no doubt) and it was all just really easy to do. I could have been banking this way for years. My transactions are really, really simple. Just depositing a check each week. I don't even take money out at the bank these days, just getting cash back at various stores. And for printed checks, I can just order some of those online from any of a number of places.

I rode over to Whole Foods and parked the bike and walked up to the hardware store, that had just closed. So I walked further up to CVS and got a big bottle of aspirin, a couple cans of corned beef hash, and a big can of pickled jalapeno peppers with carrots etc which is really good stuff. And a plunger because I want to try the plunger and bucket style of "washing machine".

Whole foods is like a game now, "Like hopscotch, without any hopping, or scotch, which takes a lot of the fun out of it", I observed from behind my mask. The line's inside and zigzags all over around where the buffet stuff used to be. I saw two armed police officers and at least one security guard. I got some sardines and cream for coffee and cal-mag-zinc pills and stuff, and got a $100 bill "nice and new, because it's going to go in a gift card" as  I tell them, yeah, the gift card is to myself, it's my cash emergency savings. Now I'm up to $900.

I have to pay taxes in July, so I'm going to have $1000 cash emergency money, what's in the bank is what I'll pay taxes on, and as soon as possible I want to get back out there busking. I feel like I might be able to have a try playing outside Whole Foods again, as long as I'm really neat and clean and tasteful. I have to not be annoying to my captive audience in the line outside, and not tick off the cops.

I re-arranged everything in the bike bags and went over to the Amazon pick up place. It's really calm downtown, with most people being serious about staying in. Plenty of bums out though because if you're a bum, where are you going to go?

It turns out the Amazon place closes at 7 now and I was 10 minutes late. Oh well. I'll have to pick my things up on Friday.

Feel crappy again

I woke up at around noon, then somehow drifted off again until 4. I had my coffee etc., and feel pretty crappy. Sniffly, cough-y, etc. Also shaky from the drinking last night so I need to taper that down.

I did some neck exercises because I'm beginning to think those are very useful for a trumpet player. It's been long known that trumpeters' necks will swell, and since higher notes are played using a higher pressure (thus swelling the neck) it seems that exercising this area would be beneficial. I see it as the difference between Miles Davis' tight muscular cheeks vs. Dizzy Gillispie's ballooned-out cheeks, which work for him because he's a very good player, and likes  visual schticks like that.

I had one capful of booze before heading out, and took my 20+ packages on the bike trailer up to the P.O. and then FedEx and did my usual scrounging for boxes and stuff on the way back. I picked up another box of technical stuff from behind the Labcommerce place, not as good as last time but at least a few bits will be worth putting on Ebay.

I checked at a vegetable place I snag things from once in a while and thought I saw some good bundles of asparagus and a nice tomato box in there, at the bottom of their dumpster. So I unloaded my load at the shop and went back with the trailer and my "getter stick" which is a long piece of trim hardwood, with a large deck screw I'd screwed through the end - great for getting stuff.

The tomato box turned out to be rotten on the bottom and gross, and the asparagus was disgusting. All I accomplished was being seen around there scrounging. On my way back around the corner, I noticed the proprietors of a shop that sells both spices and beauty supplies, and stopped to ask them if they have rubbing alcohol (I've heard that some beauty supplies sell it by the gallon) and I don't think I was able to convince the couple, who were black, that a possibly scary looking white guy with a bike, trailer, and some kind of weapon in their hand, actually has a shop and has any legitimate use for rubbing alcohol.

I circled around to look for Rev-A-Shelf boxes where I usually find them and there were none, plus my rear tire was getting flat again. It held all through my trip, but it has this random leak that starts and stops as the "Slime" in the tube keeps plugging the leak, and I'm too lazy to get in there and change out or patch the tube.

I got back here and gave out tons of positive feedback on Ebay, and did some looking around on various sites about what I can do for washing clothes around here. I decided on a small washer-spinner thing that will cost me about $150 and won't come until the end of May or early June, but at least I'll have it. I think I can set it up in the bathroom here. It'll come to Ken's house and he'll have to bring it over, but that should be no problem.

In the meantime I think I'm going to try the bucket and plunger method. You take a plunger, which I already have, and cut some holes in it so the water can swish around. Then you take a 5-gallon bucket with a lid and cut a hole in the middle of the lid for the plunger handle. Fill with clothes and water and soap, stick the lid on, and agitate, empty, fill with non-soapy water etc etc. The only cost should be $5 or so for a bucket with lid from Lowe's.

I got my practice in, at least an hour grinding away on Irons exercises. This is good stuff for building up basic strength, and who knows maybe keeping it up will be useful if I've really got the crud.

Tomorrow my Big Adventure(tm) is to, among other things, see how easy to use the ATM at my bank is. 

Yom HaShoah

Today is Yom HaShoah, or Holocaust Remembrance Day. The play sirens and have silence etc in Israel. I know when I am there those sirens are going to remind me of the good old Civil Defense sirens they test on the first working day of the month in Hawaii.

It's kind of funny, living on the mainland so long and looking back, Hawaii's sort of a compound of military bases that has a tourism racket on the side. It's as common to see a military vehicle or a convoy of them on the road as a tourism bus. So they're pretty big on having working sirens etc.

I was "supposed" to go downtown and try depositing my paycheck using the ATM and do some other things, but I didn't. I just didn't feel like going out. I eventually cooked up some bacon and eggs, had a ginseng drink, and finally got in an hour of practice with the noise from the Mr. Softee trucks to hide behind. It was actually a pretty good practice because it was an hour of Irons exercises and when I called it quits my upper lip really needed a break.

You're not supposed to think about your lip too much in trumpet playing, but how it works is the lower lip is like the mouthpiece on a clarinet, and your upper lip the reed that vibrates against the mouthpiece. And it takes just putting in playing time to keep everything in shape. Just the skin on the lips has to be exercised to keep it in condition. Doing the tongue-level stuff to play higher notes is like learning to pronounce word-sounds that are not in your language, plus the midsection has to be pretty strong and it has to coordinate with what the mouth is doing, etc.

So it was go downtown or practice and I think I made the right choice. I'll get this paycheck thing figured out, and it's not like I'll run out of money any time soon. It's not that I have a lot but that I don't need to spend much.

After the ice cream trucks were done making their noise, the bums showed up and did their meth-y things. I cooked up some beef and vegetables and ate that. I'm eating really well these days.

Back to 200ml

I stayed within my 200ml "budget" and slept OK, and feel a little bit better today. I feel like I'm fighting off some bug.

Around this time last year I had bacterial pneumonia, cellulitis, and alcohol dependency I was weaning myself off of, that had me quite shaky if I didn't drink. I'd taken to sake, which of course is sweet rice wine, and I wonder if the sugar in it wasn't part of the problem.

My solution was to go to the ER, where I was prescribed white pills for the pneumonia which fixed me up in days and I felt great after being so run-down, and green pills for the ear, which cleared it some but not totally, so I went back and was prescribed some very expensive cream that kind of works but not really.

This time last year I was breathing an unsafe amount of marble and artificial marble dust, and I'm sure that was a large reason for the pneumonia if not THE reason. It was bad enough that I decided that if I can't get the business that was illegally spreading the dust around, removed, then I was going to remove myself back to Hawaii to be homeless if need be, but at least not dying of silicosis.

I was successful against the business, so I've stayed. In fact I need to see if "Home Expo Designs" is still even in business. I hope they've gone bust.

So this time of year, here comes the cellulitis again. What I've done is taken to washing the ear (both in fact) very thoroughly every time I wash my face. And the cellulitis has gradually gone away. Now, everyone's heard the old saying, "Don't forget to wash behind your ears", well, my hygiene right now is more 1920 than 2020 in that I don't have a shower, and I might be doing about the equivalent of the Saturday night bath. So apparently without rigorous washing of the ears, cellulitis can be a problem. Just soap and water with enthusiastic use, and no expensive creams or pills are required.

I still have a little sniffle and a bit of a scratchy throat, but don't feel too bad.

I need to plan for getting back out there busking. Ultimately I'd like to bank what I earn working for Ken, and have busking pay my day-to-day expenses. Which is my vision for retiring in Israel: my Social Security would keep me housed, and I'd busk for my day-to-day money. Perhaps making a fair amount as busking is more of a thing over there and people use cash more.

My first goal will be to be in good shape for May 1, which is of course International Workers' Day. There may be a parade, however spaced apart people will be, and I can take out my cornet, being smaller and easier to carry and more expendable.

Street Musician Danial has been going out busking there in New Orleans, not making much but getting out there. I think busking will come back. I changed this blog's name to get away from him and his right-wing politics, but I note that he's writing more and better since I've stopped commenting on his blog so I'll keep staying away.

I had my coffee and chocolate etc and headed out, dropped the trash off at my favorite dumpster which is always out on Sunday, saw a couple of bums on bikes but no interactions with them thank goodness. I went to 99 Ranch and got all kinds of things from a dozen eggs to veggies to a couple bottles of booze and some bacon that was decently priced, coming to about $50.

All the stuff that's left that I'd possibly want to "prep" is cheap - things like dry beans. And since I'm not going to start cycling through my "preps" until (a) the shit hits the fan or (b) it's been about a year, I'll just be buying what I use day-to-day. So my spending should go way down, especially considering that I am done with restaurants.

So my savings rate should go back to about $100 a week.

It's been getting pretty cold once the sun gets low, and it was windy too, so pretty "brisk" out there. On my way back, I noticed it was taking a lot of effort to pedal - at least my ankle's better - and looked down and my rear tire was getting low on air. I pulled over and pumped it up using this little bike pump they sold me at La Dolce Velo, and man does that thing work well. So I did one pump-up at the bridge over Coyote Creek, and one across from Lee's Sandwiches, and I'm glad I did the 2nd one across from Lee's because once I pulled from the side street onto the main street, I noticed a large bum camp there and it's not wise to be limping along when there are predators around.

I got back in here right at the same time Ms. Crackhead was pulling in in her Primermobile. She's got a regular campsite set up in the back corner of the parking lot, cooks and does laundry and I guess cleans up the area. Still a druggie and crazy, though. She was yelling at her crackhead boyfriend for hours the other night. 

250ml actually

Ken came by and dropped off some large boxes, three of them just the thing for mailing a large oscilloscope. Things seem to be going OK with him, which is good because things going OK with me, depends on things going OK with him.

I forgot to ask him about his experiences with depositing checks through an ATM though.

I showed him the neat stuff I'd found behind the lab equipment place, and told him I'm not going to ask any money for stuff I find any more, because the stuff I did get him to pay me for, hasn't sold as well as I thought it would. So if I find stuff it just goes on Ebay and that's that.

We ended up talking quite a bit about science-y and other things out front, with Ken sitting in his truck, and while we talked there was a big crunching sound and some yelling and screaming from the alley between the two buildings here. There are bums who live in there aside from Ms. Crackhead who's colonized the far corner of the parking lot, and the ally bums, not her and her friends, were doing the usual bum thing: fighting. I think the crunching, which was very loud, was one bum using their bum-car to push the other bum's car out (the alley's narrow so one car can block another one in) and one of the bums being female, there was quite a bit of screeching and caterwauling.

Ken and I looked at each other and I said, "Is it 10/22 o'clock yet?" Ken heard it as "10:22" and said he'd check the time, and I murmured to him "No, it's code for the gun I have, you know, 10/22" and he thought that was pretty clever. The two bums drove their bum cars out, one going left at the street and what might have been a cop following, and the other to the right. They didn't come back.

Ken and I were talked out, so he took off and I got stuff ready to list, but decided to eat what could only be called a snack platter, of sliced Japanese fish cake, cucumbers, fried fava beans (a naughty habit of mine because I try to stay low-carb and they're pretty carby) and some of the really hot little pickles I'd bought a big jar of. Then I starting nipping on the 200ml of liquor I'd poured out for myself, and between that and watching stuff on YouTube, I never got the listings done and went to bed at about 4.

I'd decided I "needed" just a little bit more and had poured about 50ml more and drank that, and I woke up at about 8AM with the light on for some reason and got up, turned it off, and got more sleep until about 1:30. When I actually got out of bed at 2, I noticed that I'd apparently thought I needed to look at something outside, and taken away the metal shelf I lean up to block anyone looking in the mail slot, and that's probably when I'd turned on the light. I had no memory of it so that was 50ml too much.

I got up and photo'd the Ebay items and after sluggishly moping around, reading stuff on Reddit and so on, listed them, had my coffee etc halfway through, realized I felt crappy, and got out a ginseng drink. I'd gotten a 10-pack for if I get sick, well, I feel sick now. It didn't really help, so I tried eating some scrambled eggs and sausage and that was a little better.

Between all that and getting the last of the listings done, it was around 10 in the evening when I started to think about practicing, which I didn't feel much like doing. Right on the dot some bums started patrolling around outside so that nixed that.

I actually cooked more food, some beef and asparagus, and ate that too. So my appetite's OK I guess. I futzed around taking stuff apart and getting another batch of Ebay items together, and it was really quiet out so I was able to put the scrap metal out for some scavenger to pick up.

I got out the salmon trimmings I buy because it's a cheap way to buy salmon, and trimmed the skin off. This latest batch was really nice and easy to work with. So for my $6 odd I got 4, 5oz servings. And I tossed the skins out for the birds. There was ways you can cook the skins and maybe I should try it sometime but I didn't want to this time.

So I was actually pretty productive, for feeling lousy and staying in.

200ml

OK so I drank the 200ml bottle of white liquor, but not all at one go, but most of it before bed. I actually went to bed a bit earlier and thus work up earlier, and felt pretty good when I got up.

Maybe a shot or two before bed is OK and even healthy. It's got to be healthier than the sleeping pills Ken depends on, has to have prescribed by a doctor, and are probably more expensive than a little booze. If I can keep things where it's just one shot, or a beer when out, and not more than that, that'd be great. And I've been where it was like that too. I remember being at the old shop and pouring some whiskey for Ken but not having any myself because I just didn't feel like it.

I'd been sober for a full year, and maybe that was enough time to kind of reset to zero. Over that year I've thought a lot about it and realized some things. Alcohol doesn't make you smarter, you just *feel* smarter, and in fact it can really mess up memory if you drink too much. It doesn't fix emotional problems like being sad about being in a shitty situation. It generally makes the situation worse. It can be an escape but you still have to fix the situation. "If some is good, more must be better" is not how alcohol works.

So I got up and looked around outside and the van's gone. That thing had been here as long as we've been here, and I've told Ken there's got to be some story behind it, like it's the welding guy's ex-wife's or something. I noticed yesterday they'd put what looks like the spare, onto the right front hub, and I guess they got the left one straightened out. That would make it possible for a tow truck to take it, I thought. Well, one has, with the welding guy's permission or not.

Normally on a Friday like this I'd rush to the bank to put my pay check in. But now that it's appointment-only, I'm thinking of a few different ways to handle this. One is, only go there every other week and deposit two checks at a time. Or hey, how about just making my deposits using the ATM? Isn't that kind of obvious?

I'd decided I was done with ATMs after I got shorted $20 by one in Colorado Springs right when I was pulling up stakes to go back to California and money was pretty tight. I talked with a lady at the bank and got my $20, even though I seriously think she didn't believe me.

When I got started with Ebay, I was getting all these checks in the mail and for me it just made sense to go to a teller in person. But I'm just getting one check a week, and in the 20+ years since I've touched an ATM I'm sure they've got the bugs worked out.

NPR has started running these sob stories about people who've died from the virus, "So and so was a father of 4... so and such ran a taco truck for 20 years...." I'd like to see a daily run-down of traffic deaths and maybe people would freak out over that much more vicious killer.

I had time to not only pack a bunch more small packages to take to the post office without having to use the bike trailer, and have my coffee and chocolate and walnuts, but I got in about an hour of practice, just Irons exercises, but it went fairly well. I figured it was a matter of practicing before heading out, or I'd not get it done at all, and I was right.

There's enough more traffic on the road that the drivers are following the rules and looking out for other road users and acting more normally in general. I got to the post office and the chute wasn't working, again. Not only has someone managed to tear the handle right off of it, but the side-lever thing doesn't work either, and it was jammed. So  I waited in line and when it was my turn at the counter, handed off my two bags of packages and told the guy I didn't need the bags back.

I've got to say, the sky was just beautiful with a beautiful sunset, no vivid colors but lots of subtle stuff and a real joy to look at.

I got to H Mart and got stuff, including a bottle of "lightning" which I might have 100ml of tonight. I felt pretty tired as I rode home, and it's been getting pretty cold once the sun goes down - an effect of clean air. Didn't run into any bums and I'm glad I got my practice in early, because now, when it's quiet and the Mr. Softee guys have closed up for the night, the nightly "dance of the crackheads" around their junk cars has started. Just the kind of people I don't want to make sure are good and reminded I'm in here. 

Can I go alcohol-free

Before going to bed, I packed a thing that absolutely had to go in the mail today, so that even if I woke up too late to do any other packing, I could grab it and get it to the post office. But I actually woke up somewhere in there between noon and 1, and was able to pack all the things that had to go "within 24 hours" and the one we'd promised the buyer would go out today.

I loaded everything on the bike trailer (one package was over 40lbs being a big roll of coaxial cable) and left here at 5. My left ankle is still  bothering me. It's not the Achilles tendon, but something that steadies the ankle side to side, which bike riding takes more of than I thought. I have to pedal with my foot arches centered on the pedals rather than the balls of the feet, and it works OK as long as I'm not trying for any real speed or acceleration. Just poop along and make sure I do any hard pushing with my right leg, and I'm OK.

It was grey and windy out there and not all that warm. I was able to get out and back with a minimum of fuss, although there are more cars on the road now. Since I had the trailer, I checked my usual places for boxes etc., and I saw a box of junk being left out in back of one place, and actually said aloud, "Holy shit, is that a mass-flow controller?" It was, along with a bunch of other interesting stuff, about 50 lbs worth, so I loaded that onto the trailer and got back here. I unloaded my treasure and cooked up some scrambled eggs with green onions and the sort of half-serving of that beef I'd cut up last night, after weighing out 5, 4-oz portions. At least it tastes good.

I'd been pretty hungry out riding around, and stopped in at this falafel place I'd been to before the shutdown, but their prices have gone up so that a plate, instead of being about $10, is almost $15 now. I looked at the time and said something like "Oh! I have time; I'll come back" and left. The reason for the rise in prices is something I read about on Reddit. Delivery services are charging the restaurants, so the restaurants, to make the same money, have to raise the prices.

The new conditions have me swearing off restaurants which at least in theory should be good for me financially as well as nutritionally.

After eating I got out the $80 I'd squirreled away the other day, which turned out to actually be $60, and rode up to H Mart. Besides the usual things to buy, I wanted to buy just a bit of drinking alcohol. I felt like crap yesterday, and a bit crappy today, with phlegm in my nose and throat, a slight sore throat, and just feeling "blah". But yesterday, feeling shaky and my temperature going up and down, I thought maybe I needed a little alcohol to taper off, and so I'd had a little in a cup of iced coffee and then what was left at bedtime. This is why I picked up a little 200ml bottle of Chinese 112 proof white liquor, so have a little if I felt myself getting hot and cold and having tremors etc. But so far I've not felt that today/tonight. So I wonder if I'm fighting off some sort of a "bug" that was making me feel hot and cold and shaky. I note that drinking alcohol didn't really make me feel any better while when I was in trouble with alcohol and felt shaky, a drink would make me feel better very fast.

I noticed H Mart did have a package of the beef ribs I like to buy, but I have to buy almost $40 worth at once. It does keep pretty well, frozen. If I'm not "cheating" by eating restaurant food, buying beef, fish, etc and freezing it and using it every day, I don't have the problem of it getting too old.

I saw a few bums but there were no bum interactions. There was a guy out begging at one of the busy intersections, and scavengers are ever-present, but at least no one hollered at me for a cigarette. 

Last of the lightning

After the motorcycle guys were run off by the cops last night, the crackheads go into an hours-long yelling match, or more like, the female of the pair was bitching out the guy. I can never understand what the lowlifes are saying, too. It's a combination of not-great acoustics listening with my ear against the door, and the weird muttering way of talking they have, so I could only make out "fuck" and "shit".

By the time they drove off in their barely-running bum car, it was too late for me to feel like practicing. What if they came right back? It's so quiet at night now that sounds really carry.

I had to do an update on my computer that took at least an hour, and then finally got down to listing Ebay stuff, and again I drank too much. I ended up watching videos about kibbutzim in Israel, ulpans which are Hebrew language schools in Israel, and, well, kibbutz ulpans because that's also a thing. You live at the kibbutz and work there half the day and take Hebrew classes at least a couple hours a day. I hope they have those for old fuckers like me.

Pretty soon after getting up, I took the 6 bottles of white lightning I had left and 6 bottles of HEET pure methanol, and the 2 nice gallon jugs I'd found that originally held isopropyl alcohol, and make 2 almost-gallons of alcohol for cleaning, to take place of the rubbing alcohol I can't get these days, and emphatically not for drinking.

I feel pretty "meh" due to having drunk too much alcohol last night, plus a little sore throat and phlegm in my nose and throat. I decided to stay in today. My beloved student shakuhachi is all boxed up and ready to go to the post office to a guy with a Russian name in Israel, and it'll just have to sit here another day.

On the radio they're talking about, surprise-surprise, the economy taking a sudden dive. The panic buying is pretty much over. On r/preppers on Reddit they're talking about Covid coming back in a second wave and I think it's a legitimate concern, but once you have your "preps" you simply cycle through them which is why to prep what you eat and eat what you prep. Normally being a low-carb eater, I even have had a way to cycle through the spaghetti, giving some each day to the birds, broken up small, and gradually I'd cycle in newer stuff or some other grain. Some people even suggest buying bird seed, and that might be a good idea because it can be sprouted, and has more fiber and variety than pasta noodles, plus most people won't eat it unless they're really hungry. I think I might be onto something here.

But anyway, people have bought up the stuff they feel they need to feel more secure, and now their spending is way down. I spent maybe $80 yesterday, but $30 of it was beef, $10 was Brazil nuts, etc. The only "preps" in it were a couple more envelopes of coconut milk powder to use in coffee when I have to bunker up if I have to bunker up. I might use it to stretch the heavy whipping cream I use normally, because I do use a lot of it.

People aren't buying whole categories of things like shoes, beach wear, clothes, etc. I can't hop on the hippie bus to Santa Cruz and buy a new pair of Vans for warm weather, because the shoe stores are closed and the bus may not even be running. I'll end up buying some crappy shoes at Target I guess to get me through this summer. I'm really wishing I'd washed and cleaned up my old Vans and kept 'em.

I managed to get some practice in, which went kinda OK considering how much I've not been practicing. Just Irons exercises really.

And I cooked up a fish I'd bought for just $1-something at 99 Ranch, which was a bit fishy smelling so I soaked it in water with some lime juice in it, and it came out great. Didn't even make the office smell fishy. That's a trick I'll have to file away.  I should also look into learning how to make a good gefilte fish, AKA fish loaf or fish terrine. Carp is often quite cheap at the Asian markets, and there's no reason gefilte fish can't taste excellent.

I cut up the beef I'd gotten into portions, after trimming out the bones and gristle etc., and it came out to costing me $6 per 4oz. portion. C'est la fucking guerre again. I give up; I'll go back to buying my beef at Nijiya.

I was able to toss some sunflower seeds and walnut pieces to the crows, who were out scrounging by the ice cream place; I could tell they were pretty hungry. Then I got into my practice and all that, and after cutting up the beef, I had the fat etc from it as well as bones from the fish.

Since the scumsuckers often have dogs running around with them and I don't want the dogs getting into it, and since kindness to wild animals makes one "weird", I toss stuff for my bird friends on the top of the little overhang over that window and door here. I have a perfect view of my feathered friends eating, and it's up where no one but a bird can see it or get to it. At first I'd just toss the stuff up there, with very mixed results. I've finally refined my method to taking a piece of flat plastic cut from a vegetable bag (that stuff always wants to flatten out) and putting the treats on it and twisting it up into a little "bomb" I lob up there, so I only need to dart out and do my lob and go right back in. 50/50 change the crackhead out there didn't notice me.

On NPR they're discussing whether "Anti-Zionism" is the new anti-Semitism. It made for interesting listening, and I learned of the sort of "soft pogrom" in the late 60s in Poland where almost all of their Jews have left. After listening to all of their arguments, I have to conclude that I strongly believe that "anti-Zionism" is indeed anti-Semitism, because the people who argue against is are making a huge error: They assume the USA will always be safe for Jews. It's not perfectly safe now, and other places were considered safe, even for more hundreds of years than the USA has been a nation, and those places have ended up tragically unsafe. All of the major ones at least, places that were liberalizing and becoming more educated, cultured, and "scientific".

Jews in Europe in the 1930s probably thought they had a safe place to escape to: the United States. It makes sense, with the US's founders being unusually friendly to Jews, and so much of our popular culture, science, literature, etc. created by Jews. We had Einstein and the Gershwins, after all. But the USA slammed the door shut.

Smart people don't forget something like this. That's the whole point of Israel. If you are Jewish, you have a home there. No one pushes them around and they will never slam the door shut on their people.

We've got an Eval Knieval here

I drank last night which is not a good idea, but my rationale was that it would make me feel better. It did not.

I was up a bit after noon, though, and packed small things and had coffee etc. I was able to carry the small things without using the bike trailer, and smuggle out some trash too. The chute at the post office was jammed but that's why I only go there during hours when the counter's open so I was able to drop off the packages OK.

I went over to 99 Ranch and got some things, not much, only about $15 worth, and got $100 cash back, and then went to H Mart. H Mart is selling the kind of beef I like to buy, fatty ribs which are cheap and flavorful, but in big packages so it means spending $40 or $50 at a time. I found a $30 package of slightly more expensive ribs, and will cut those up and freeze them.

I got lots of veggies too so I hoped to not run across any bums, and I didn't encounter any of the bike-riding bums that I worry the most about, but over by this place that often throws out "Rev-A-Shelf" boxes that I use, there was a guy leaning against his car across the street. He called out to me, first "Hey!" or something then "Can I help you?" then he asked for a cigarette a few times, "Gottaciggrit?" and I finally called out, "I don't smoke, sorry!" and got back into the complex here.

I mean, who even smokes any more, other than the underclass? 

Luckily the guy didn't follow me - he probably knew I had some hidey-hole to get into. I got back to the shop here and got the bike in as quickly as I could without looking like I was in a hurry. I noticed the dirt bike a guy's been riding around here, parked by a couple of pickup trucks.

I cooked up some scrambled eggs and more of that "eh" beef, and the motorcycle guy(s) rode a different bike around, and then as it got dark they did this thing where they set off fireworks and the guy rode the bike around them. I was thinking, all they need is a pair of ramps then set off the fireworks between 'em while the guy rides the bike over the top of the fireworks ... but I think the Mr. Softee guys didn't appreciate all this motorcycle action around their trucks, and called the cops. I just hope they don't think it was me, calling the cops.

I learned something interesting last night. I already knew there are a lot of accounts by Holocaust survivors on YouTube, but I realized that in a lot of cases, they're speaking Hebrew with English subtitles, and the Hebrew is generally clear and it's good exercise to pick out the words I know. Very often, these are people who got to Israel as soon after the war as they could, had studied Hebrew and then had decades to perfect using it, and there's a certain purity in their speech, like the way 1940s and 1950s radio announcers spoke so clearly.

At my age I can't hope to become a "native" Hebrew speaker, but if I can learn "school teacher" Hebrew I'll be very happy. Being able to get by without having to fall back on English is what determines whether people who move to Israel are happy there and stay there.

There went the wheels

Last night, some time between about midnight and 2, someone managed to take all four wheels off of the minivan that's been parked in front of the welding place as long as we've been here. I like to think I keep a pretty good eye on things around here but the guy got 'em, all four, and now the van's out there sitting on blocks.

My theory is when the bum was looking at the wheels the other night, he was taking note of their size and model and knew he could sell them not as scrap metal but as actual original parts. I'd even think someone from the welding place did it, except it was done in the middle of the night.

I had my coffee and packed a couple of things, and then realized I had to get going because to be sure to get to FedEx before they close at 6, I needed to get out of here at 5. So I packed two more large things and took off with things on the bike trailer and dropped off the post office and FedEx stuff. I saw a couple of bums with bikes and trailers and unfortunately they too notice of me; hard not to with so little traffic on the road.

My ankle is still bothering me and I had to pedal with my left foot with the arch on the pedal so I could pedal while not moving  my ankle much. The main thing is to not reveal any weakness, as a bum might jump me if they know I can't sprint away.

I felt too lousy to go back out for some shopping, though. Getting the packages out was enough for me. Maybe it's just the sitting around in here without going out doing things, and that's why the bike ride was so tiring today.

I took another look at the van on my way in and the wheel-thief had gotten 3 wheels out of the four, and left two defeated jacks under the van, one on each side. I relaxed a bit and had some eggs and sausage, which made me feel a bit better.

I was going to practice and got the trumpet out and started a few notes, but it was just about 10 and the crackheads were being especially active outside. Darn it, I thought, I'm not supposed to even be here ... and put the trumpet away. I got busy packing things instead.

Who should show up but Ken. He brought in some stuff to sell and some boxes, and wrote me my pay check, and helped me hunt for a booklet that had sold but we never found it. We futzed around a bit with some "ignitron" tubes he'd gotten, and talked a little, but he didn't hang around and I didn't make him tea, which I was going to find a way out of anyway because what if I'm feeling lousy because of the virus?

I cooked up some veggies and more of that low-grade beef I'd gotten at H Mart; at least I'm almost out of it now, and ate that up. At least I like my own cooking pretty well. 

One of the things Ken and I talked about, is he said he'd read some thing where they'd shown that one's success in life is pretty much due to random chance. I mentioned as an example a sport  I did, where there are really not that many national champions because it's only one per year and also the same people tend to win the same slots for a few years. And the whole twisting, random, path that got me there, and how I'd almost quit but a sort-of-friend had encouraged me not too much but just enough to keep going etc. Not that it's worth anything, since it's a fairly minor sport. And not as good as trumpet playing.

That's pretty random too. Kahuku High School, an awful school that's really only good at football and punches above its weight in Band, had Band. And I was chosen for trumpet because Mr. Peyton could give me a nasty smelly old trumpet even people like us could not pawn. But it was $20 for the mouthpiece, and I dropped it for two reasons: I didn't have money for the mouthpiece and felt bad about that, and as a typical 70s teen, I was into guitar music not "that old Herb Alpert stuff".

But it planted the seed, and eventually I came back around to it. And since then music has become very much a walled garden, not for poor people to enter. Not anything using a traditional instrument like trumpet. Now you have to be middle or maybe upper-middle class to get a trumpet education. And I can say with confidence that I'm good enough to be a busker, whenever busking comes back. All through stubbornly practicing even though I'm "too old" and even though I quit many times, I kept "un-quitting". 

I keep wondering what's a good trade for me to use to survive in this world, and between my age, my size, my eyesight, and my lack of financial means there are not too many choices. It pretty much comes down to art of some type or music. With art, you have to have a lot of physical things - paints and brushes and canvases and paper and all kinds of stuff. With music, some of the instruments "eat" strings or bow-hair, or need an occasional re-padding, but generally if you're starting from nothing, music is probably the best way to go. People won't want to buy anything from you if they have to carry it, but if a song strikes them, they'll toss a couple of bucks and keep walking, but they tossed a couple of bucks.

Easter

I drank some last night but not as much as the night before. There's about 1cm of "lightning" left in the bottle which I'll drink tonight and then that's it. Alcohol's too useful as a cleaning fluid to go drinking the stuff.

My stomach is out of sorts probably due to the drinking, which of course has made me feel lousier overall. There's supposedly a lot of pollen in the air which might be a factor too. I never thought about pollen as a kid in Hawaii but mainland pollen is different and I'm a lot older.

It's pretty quiet around here, so that I notice the birds doing their bird things and talking their bird-talk. A guy rode around the complex a few times on a dirt bike; I think it's someone in one of the businesses on the other side of the building.  Bums come and go and pass through.

I felt like crap but was able to stash away my latest "preps" and found some things to list on Ebay.

I was also able to do an OK practice, mainly just the Irons exercises I've been doing, for maybe an hour.

That went until almost 11PM but the druggies didn't show up until a bit after I was done. They're having another night of going in and out of and around and around of their bum-cars, letting some little obnoxious dog run around, yelling, usual bum stuff.  Earlier, they'd burned either a bunch of fizzly fireworks or some kind of metal shavings up near the front of the complex. They apparently lit the tall dumpster that's used to throw out cardboard maybe a week ago.

The economy was horrible enough here before the virus.

Shakuhachi makes it to Israel first

My shakuhachi has sold - to a guy with a Russian name in Israel. I hope the guy does better with it than I did. The thing is, if I want to just do the breathing exercise shakuhachi-playing makes me do, I'm better off making a PVC one. And if I want to actually play shakuhachi, I'm better off spending the $500 or so for the "enhanced" one sold by Monty Levinson who's a really good shakuhachi maker who takes the already pretty good "Yuu" and makes it play like a $2500 bamboo one but with the durability of whatever kind of plastic "Yuu"'s are made of.

And I'd rather spend money on a flugelhorn anyway.

I drank too much last night and was half-awake when I heard a car sneak up, too quietly I thought, and then there was a knock on the door - it was Ken. He picked up his jacket which he'd left here, but had some really heavy "ignitron" tubes to drop off, Suzy was with him and we got to catch up on things, and I helped a bit with the tubes. They were in their, really Suzy's, "new" SUV. They'd traded in another car in their fleet they didn't like very much, and got this one because it's bigger, heavier, more expensive (another car loan) and flashier; all things suburbians love. The car they'd traded in was only very easy on gas, practical, and all paid for. No wonder they hated it.

So Ken and I put the tubes away and we all shot the shit a bit, and it was a nice visit. I explained to Ken about my bank needing me to make an appointment now, not only as conversation but to maybe prime him for some other arrangement. I might consider setting up a paypal and then Ken can just pay me by paypal.They were really awful 25 years ago, but I think they've cleaned up their act.

It's been so quiet no one even picked up a box of circuit boards I left by the trash enclosure and I had to wait until Ken was busy with something and move them into the enclosure, and then moved them back out when he was gone - he'd want to take them home or something.

I found a great company online called Behrman House which apparently does Jewish teaching materials, and downloaded and printed out a neat Hebrew alphabet chart showing the official letters that look like they were done with a brush or quill pen, then the handwritten print, and the handwritten script, showing the order and direction of the strokes to write them. They've got a bunch of games and stuff too but I'll have to download a Flash player. Who uses Flash any more? Behrman House, that's who.


They're teacher/kid oriented and have a bunch of games and stuff so while others are playing a lot of Animal Crossing, I guess I'm going to have a try at Behrman House games like "Jewpardy".

I felt awful due to last night's drinking, and by the time I was about ready to try some soft trumpet playing, it was almost 10 and the crackheads showed up and got started on their night of working on their cars all night, sweeping the parking lot (just sweeping stuff back and forth, moving imaginary stuff around) yelling, dancing around, etc. Not a good time to advertise that I'm in here.

So I set up my new little radio, the Sangean PRD-5 that I paid about $50 for on Amazon, and it's really nice.

Banking getting worse

I was up in time to gather up the packages I'd packed last night, and took them over to the post office and mailed them off.

Then I went to the bank, which is appointment-only now. The guy came to the door, and he got my email address and set up an appointment for me. He says he emailed me and even called but I never got any notice. I told him that for messages to get through to me they have to be mailed, and 2 weeks in advance. So now not only is it closing an hour earlier than before, but it's by appointment only.

"So, do you think the bank is going to stay open?" I said to the teller. "I hope so," she replied. On my way out I asked the guy and he said, "Sure, we're gonna stay open!" which somehow was not 100% reassuring.

I went over to Whole Foods and got some things, more vitamin D and two more cans of psyllium husk because months on end staying in and eating a bunker diet can really tie you up I'm sure. I was able to get more 100% cacao chips, a couple cans of sardines, and some cream for coffee. I got a $100 bill cash back too, to add to my emergency stash which I'd never refilled after taking money out on election day.

Most things are in stock but there are no more bulk nuts and grains and stuff. 

My thinking after my latest bank interaction is this: If the banks don't fail, I really don't have much to worry about and it won't hurt if I take most of my money out, and just put it back later if needed. If the banks DO fail, there are going to be bigger problems than my taking the money out of my bank, which I've really been thinking of as the IRS's money as it's been saved up to pay taxes with. Taking it out makes it truly my money; the tax deadline has been extended to June or July or so, and I can always file an extension giving me until October.

I'd gotten some deli roast beef and a canned coffee at Whole Foods and I sat over by Diridon Station and ate and had my coffee, then realized I had time to go to Dai Thanh.

So I got my butt over there and got another can of sesame oil, 2 lbs of garlic powder and 1 lb of coarse garlic, some packages of dried squid, basically bunker stuff. If I'm going to be using spaghetti as the backbone of my diet, I might as well have plenty of garlic to flavor it with.

I've injured my left Achilles tendon somehow, probably a combination of doing calf exercises too enthusiastically about a week ago, then pedaling my bike toes-down to avoid kicking a bag of stuff I had hanging off of the handlebar, then it suddenly hurt when going down the stairs, and now it hurts to pedal hard at all on the bike. So I had to take it easy.

There were lots of bums and crazies out, and my enforced slowness what with my leg hurting, packages, and a strong wind, made the ride home arduous. But then that's about right for the end times.  Of course I should be battling a wind, hurting, and avoiding crazy drivers and crazy people... at Diridon Station a lady bum had called out to me, "Ya gotta Allen wrench?" and I said I didn't carry one sorry. I veered around bums here and there, and at Old Bayshore accelerated to avoid one which really made my injured leg hurt - ouch.

I had also picked up a Sangean PRD-7 radio I'd bought on Amazon from the Amazon pickup place, so now I have this to keep my Sangean PRD-5 I have upstairs, company. I've been using my little emergency radio to listen to downstairs in the office, and because it's a pain to tune, I'd just been kept on NPR. I didn't want to simply move the larger PRD-5 downstairs because space is at a premium in the office. I can now take the C batteries out of the emergency radio to use in flashlights, put it away for an actual emergency, and set this up so I can have a bunch of stations at the push of a memory button. KPFK has some interesting shows, there are college stations, and the classical station even takes a break at about 11 at night from their usual trite stuff and plays a program called "Modern Times" with some really neat music.

I ordered the first book on reading Hebrew, called "Z'man Likro" which translates to ... "Reading Hebrew"? Anyway, it's a neat book, and I'll work through that and then the 2nd book and then there's a series called "Shalom Ivrit" which even now I know translates to "Hello Hebrew" and that's 3 books, then I guess I'll see about getting the same books I'll be studying in an actual ulpan (Hebrew language school) so I can say my level is Ulpan Alef (level A) or whatever.

I am feeling very inspired by Charles Cather on YouTube. He's got a neat sort of cut-out map of Serbia that he's always got leaned up here or there in his place, and I'm thinking I could get something like that of Israel, and in fact the deck paint I got to paint the loft floor etc with is already a kind of sandy color, and I could decorate the loft with an Israel theme.

Right now on the radio they're talking about this guy named John Prine who was a songwriter who wrote a lot of popular songs, and who just died from the corona virus. So they're playing songs by him and playing an interview from a couple of years ago. At one point he talks about how he worked for the post office delivering mail, and this just points out what a fucked-up mock-apple-world I'm in compared to this guy, because all I can think, in astonishment, is what alternate universe did this guy live in where a white person can get a job for the post office? In my world that's just not possible. You can't be a bus driver or a cop or work for the post office or any kind of good job, only the jobs no one else wants to do, and so you're at least mostly out of sight so no one has to look at a white person. For instance, few people want to "bus" tables in a restaurant, but it's still not a job a white person can get because if customers see a white person working there, cleaning up the tables, they won't eat there.

There is just no way I can go back to Hawaii. There is no way I can go back to where I have to constantly apologize for existing. It's bad enough dealing with the bums around here; I can't go back to living where the police, gov't officials, store owners, etc are all against me.

On the mainland at least I can exist OK, even if everyone is utterly atomized and alone. And in Israel, I'll be old and worn out but I'd happily look upon the universities that would have let me go there and graded me on performance rather than race, and all the neat jobs like postman and DMV worker and so on, that I'd have been able to get. 

I tried practicing but was tired or something probably from drinking alcohol last night which I should not have done. I decided it would be useless and thought it might give me a headache. So instead I got out some broccoli stalks I'd saved and cooked those, some shallots, and some of that low-grade beef I overpaid for and that made a pretty good dinner.

I took some parts off of some circuit boards and was going to put the box of circuit boards out for the scavengers, and checked the video camera first - there was what I can only describe as one of the "Jawas" from Star Wars shuffling along out there. A small figure, with some sort of dark cloth draped over it, and holding what might be an overnight bag. O... K .... so I waited for the "Jawa" to shuffle around the end of the building out of sight and took the box out ... and there was some other bum messing around with the minivan the welding place has perma-parked in front so I put the box down where I was and went back in, and eventually the bum left, and I put the box over by the trash enclosure. The bum/druggie activity is just continuous around here.

The bums win this round

Last night the two sketchy bums in their bum-mobile took off, but then a guy I call "Mr. Crackhead" parked by Ms. Crackhead and worked on his van until dawn, dancing around and re-arranging things, etc. It's really not fair that I'm calling them crackheads as they're obviously meth addicts.

I got up fairly early, had coffee etc and went over to the Lee's Sandwiches semi-wholesale place nearby, but they only looked semi-open and I had to get the security guard a bit pissed off at me to get him to reveal that the store was merely closed - probably restricted hours as everyone's doing now.

I went back to the shop and got my laundry and soap and change, and rode over to the laundromat. I had enough soap etc to use one of the big washers, which were usually free as they cost more. But this time they were full of clothes and a bum was just starting to use them plus said he has more after that. Plus there were other bums in the place, and it felt like one of them had next dibs. I packed everything back onto the bike and went downtown.

First to Dai Thanh which apparently is opening, but closing at 5. But at least they're still in business. There's not much more I want to buy in terms of "preps" but I'd like to get one of those big containers of garlic powder, and maybe another can of cooking oil. But again by being a little pushy I was able to get the people out front to cough up the info that the place is open, but closing at 5. I thanked them and rode off.

I went to the Amazon pickup place and got my hair clippers, so that went well. And I realized I had time to go to Nijiya before they close at 6, so I went there and got some sushi, eggs, etc.

There were just tons of bums out today, half of the time with their pit bulls, often running around off-leash. With laundromats one of the few types of places left where a bum can hang out, a bum takeover of these places is predictable.

I could have used smaller machines, costing $10 instead of the $5-odd one large one does. And I didn't have enough soap with me for more than one machine. So now the new cost of doing laundry is $10 or so instead of maybe $6, and having to hang around tons of bums.

I've been on the edge of doing my own clothes here somehow anyway, given not only the expense but the amount of time it takes to do my clothes at the laundromat, and now I'm ready to give it a try.

Bye Bye sputter ion pump

I got to ship off a thing called a sputter ion pump, which is very heavy for its size, today so good riddance. I got my post office and fedex business done then dropped off the trailer here and headed downtown.

First I stopped at Nijiya and got some small things to stash away and a small bento an a Coke Zero, and ate at one of the benches a distance away. Next I went to Dai Thanh but they were closed. Maybe they've shortened their hours, or are not done renovating, or something. Then the real reason for going downtown, stopping at the Amazon pickup place and got the book about the afterlife the author of which impressed me so much on the radio, plus a big order of cotton swabs, plus my kilogram of "Vegeta" which Charles Cather had talked up on YouTube.

Years and years ago when I used to go on IRC, there was one person who called herself vegeta, and I thought it was a character from a comic or movie or something, but they probably had Vegeta in their kitchen, so when Charles Cather talked about the stuff, I got right on Amazon and ordered some, and not the namby-pamby American market stuff with no MSG, nope, this has all the ingredients and was made in Croatia.

It's really quiet out there, and most of the sparse population that is out, are of two groups: Dog walkers or bums. There are a few Door Dash type workers, and joggers, but the preponderance of those out on the streets are dog walkers and bums.

I got back here and there was a bum-car, a small economy car with none of the body panels the quite the same color, or on straight, and barely running, in front of the place. I ignored the bums and went in and got the bike in and shut the door. Pretty soon the bum car went up to the front of the complex, waited a bit, then back to the back near one of Ms. Crackhead's cars, then one of the bums got out and fiddled with the engine a bit, then it left. They were probably trying to meet up with some other bums on the other side of the complex. This place is kind of confusing to navigate at first.

And Bernie Sanders has dropped out of the race. I think he made some major mistakes: Not shouting loudly and often that he's not a socialist but a social democrat, not making it very plain that he wants to make the US more like Western Europe, and not pointing out the similarities between himself and past presidents from FDR to Eisenhower, who wanted medicare to apply to Americans of all ages.

So there went my chance to have a Jewish president at least in this country. This will take a plan. Get cracking on learning Hebrew, convert, once past age 62 and able to get Social Security, work on getting over to Israel and becoming a citizen there. Then I'll get my Jewish president.

I didn't feel too great all day because last night I decided I'd make an iced coffee with some alcohol in it to make the instant coffee dissolve better, then I decided I'd have some more alcohol.... I ended up just watching YouTube music videos and the practice I got in was merely OK.

This is why I'd taken off today without eating anything because I really didn't feel like it. Tonight I got all cleaned up and ready for Ken to come over when he called me and told me he's coming by tomorrow night instead of tonight, so I cooked up some dinner and relaxed a bit, thinking I'd do a late-night practice as the only bum around here is Ms. Crackhead and she's not even working on her car all night.

So I was about to do that when who shows up but the two bums in their shitmobile that had been parked right in front of here when I'd come in from shopping. They prowled around the parking lot a bit and are now posted up across from the welding place, doing whatever scumbums do in their shitty bum-mobiles in the middle of the night. So no practicing; they probably know I may be in here but there's no use in literally trumpeting my presence.

But since I'm not sure what these bums plan to do, I got out the two magazines for the .22 rifle and loaded 'em up. So if they're sitting in their car smoking crack or whatever and getting their courage up to break into the place, I can do something about it.

And under the heading of "what did I do to prep today?" I have decided I'm going to handle trash in a more stealthy way. Instead of using large bags in a tall trash can which is taken out once a week, with any observant bums seeing me with it, and seeing it if they check the right dumpster, I've gone over to using a small can that just holds the kind of bag you get when shopping, and that can be taken out every time I go out, and put in perhaps the trash can at the post office or someplace downtown. 

Early Apocalypse Fry's

I was up at about 4, had my coffee etc and loaded up the stuff to ship out and took it up to the post office and FedEx. It was sunny but windy also, so pretty "brisk" out there.

It all went smoothly and I didn't even see much in the way of bums, so that's good. I came back and dropped off the bike trailer and a few boxes and things I'd found, including an N95 mask from the electrical lighting supply I can soak in some bleach and re-use if it comes to that.

I started out again with the week's trash which I dropped off in the usual dumpster, then went by Fry's thinking I'd walk around and say my final farewell, and see was an early Apocalypse Fry's is like. Well, it's pick-up only with the front taped off and a guy wearing a mask at the front so that's what an early Apocalypse Fry's is like: You can't even go in.

I rode up to H Mart and after OK'ing it with the security guard, parked my bike against a pole and not in the bike racks, as that's where the line is. I waited in line and went in when it was my turn, and picked up a bunch of things, most of them "preps" to squirrel away. It came to $64-odd, and of course my card didn't work since it almost never works there, but I had $70 cash with me so that went OK too. I saw a couple of bums but no hassles so that's good - I'm always careful to come and go by different routes, keep a watch out far ahead, and when in doubt, ride fast.

Once the sun goes down it gets seriously cold out there, so I'm glad to be in before dusk. The air's so clean, I could smell that the grass was being walked on by a guy playing with his dog and I can smell all the food smells from restaurants and even bum RVs. This may become an important factor if things go bad, in which case I'll cook upstairs and set up a vent system to vent the smells up to the roof.

H Mart's supplies were OK. I was able to pick up more haw flakes and coconut milk powder and things like that, two more cans of Australian corned beef, etc., and their fresh foods looked ok with even my favorite cheapo beef back in stock.

I had a bit of a laugh coming back along Junction Avenue. Across from Fry's is a place that the owner is trying to sell. I'd called the number and the guy wanted 5 or 6 million for it - he said he had an offer for that. I told him to take it and run, we're due for a downturn etc. He didn't seem to be too likely to take the word of some random person on the phone, but now I bet he wishes he'd done what I advised. Because now we're in a huge downturn and he's across the street from a failing business. Fry's was dying anyway but there was hope for that one, being the national HQ. But now if the Fry family has any sense they'll leave the keys in the doors and walk away from all of their locations. Let all their buildings get sold for back taxes too.

More thinking about what I was writing about yesterday: Growing up, not only did the dominant group in Hawaii, "Locals" of Japanese descent, never treat me any better than they absolutely had to, but the same goes for what few blacks I met, who tended to look down their noses at us, not being nearly as poor as we were, or any of the other racial tribes that were around. And while we whites all tended to know each other (being few, and oppressed, it tends to work out that way) other than doing a bit of babysitting because I was by far the cheapest, most trustworthy babysitter around, there was no mutual aid among whites. And my relatives, in keeping with one of the most basic tenets of white culture, also did not give me one penny or the slightest bit of help that they didn't have to.

But there's one group that was different: Jews. There were not many around but they were stand-outs for their ... humanity. There was a Jewish deli that started up in the local shopping center and would sell me a big pickle for 5c. I don't think they were really 5c, but for me they were. There were the owners of the Baskin-Robbins who hired me, and anyone who would hire me, a hated "haole", leaves a huge impression. There was a nice guy who lived next door to my dad's place, who had a Jewish name I forget now, but he as a hematologist and talked nicely to me - not a given at all, when you're in Hawaii and you're a "haole". There were some Jewish kids, Beth and Emiel, whom we befriended, and they were nice. There was a Jewish girl in my final high school, who sat with me at lunch, and we talked about how we liked the school and the kids in it. I thought it was pretty good (the school was maybe 25% white, which meant I didn't have to be on constant guard to not get beat up. I said I thought it was fine because for the first time in Hawaii, I didn't have to worry about being beat up. The gal was from Israel and she thought the school, and its people, were awful. (She was right.)

There were the owners of the "Blue And White Shop" which was a bitty hot dog stand at the floor level of one of the hotels in Waikiki. Blue and white like the Israel flag, and I'm pretty sure they were Holocaust survivors. And they hired me, even though I was "haole". Later, there was Eran Agmon, who was the regional sales engineer for Tektronix, and who treated me as if I was as good as any Japanese student and not a "haole" at all. I learned all about oscilloscopes from the educational sales materials he gave me.

These were all people who treated me better than they were required to and in fact treated me like I was as good as them. Not a hated "haole" at all.

A stubborn system

I was up at 4:30 as seems to be usual most of these days. I checked the weather radar and there was a big fat rain system coming in so I decided that even though it looked dry enough to go out, it's not worth it getting soaked. But the system seems to be kind of paused offshore and now it's too late to head out.

The stay-at-home hobbyists are buying all kinds of cockamamie things on Ebay so this is good.

I did some thinking about Hawaii vs. New Orleans vs. Israel last night. The first I know very well. Growing up in Hawaii, with the local-born Japanese the group in power, although I went to school with them, rode the bus with them, attended college with them, dealt with them at the DMV and the post office and in every part of life, I can say with utter confidence that none of them, not a single one, ever treated me any better than they absolutely had to. Many a time I was 1c-2c short at the local Japanese owned little store we shopped at, and I had to go home and find the 1c-2c, there was absolutely no leeway for the hated "haole".

I'd joined the local Buddhist temple with the idea that I'd thereby be accepted among the Japanese-Americans who are 99% of its following and I'd be able to carry that over to Hawaii, but I don't think this is realistic. No matter how much sucking up I do, I will always be the hated "haole" and the worst kind, the kind without lots of money, back there in Hawaii. 

New Orleans is not a place I have experience with. Whites are the group in power, which is good for me, but they're Southern whites so not being a racist holy roller would be a problem. Crime is very high, with whites generally as the target and as whites have it set up everywhere, other races are used as hammer by rich whites to keep non-rich whites down. So for instance I'm mugged in New Orleans and in the interaction, someone alleges that I said the word "nigger" and chances are it's a white judge who will give me extra punishment. My only saving grace there is if I become competent enough in playing the kind of jazz that white people like, that some rich whites decide they like me. So again it would be a matter of sucking up, and the more I sucked up by playing the kind of jazz white people like, the more likely I'd be stabbed by some angry black for stealing "their" music.

I've put a lot of time into researching Israel at least online, with particular help from the videos by Cory Gil-Shuster, who takes questions people send in, and goes out on the street and asks people. So someone will send in a question that's fairly controversial, and would probably get you thrown in jail in the US for asking, and goes out and asks "Palastinians" or Ashkenazim or Mizrahim or whoever the question is to be asked to, or if it's to general people he tries to get a good cross-section, and shows their answers as they give them in his videos. The first thing that struck me, years ago, was that he could video some cranky old Litvak guys at a coffee shop for 15 minutes straight and there's be no beggars, crusty hobos, crazies, etc wandering by in the background. Not a trash can would be rummaged. Try pulling that off in Palo Alto or Mountain View.

This inspired me to do a lot of research, and Israel doesn't have the crime, homelessness, craziness the US does. Prices are half what they are here in San Jose. There are jobs, busking is A-OK, and fresh veggies are in abundance. I was worried I'd be able to maintain my drinking habit, but I've since gotten rid of that. Access to medical care is possible. And Tel Aviv "feels" like Honolulu back in the late 60s when we'd moved to Hawaii in the first place. The beach is near, and I could cover the entire city and greater area on a bike.

I am spurred to write this because I just read on Reddit about their planting some more olive trees. There's a discussion over this; whether it's good because there are less people out, or is it bad because of the general shelter in place.... the majority think it's good. I could seriously see myself making olive "starts" in pots and going out and planting them, in a place I actually care about.

I could even spend some time on a kibbutz! There are kibbutzim that combine work with learning Hebrew, so you get to live, work a bit, learn Hebrew, and have your room and board taken care of for that amount of time plus I think some pocket money.

And here I must confess my yearning for that place for me on the kibbutz. I'd come over from Hawaii and was living in Costa Mesa and spending a lot of time hanging out with the other motorcycle riders down at the Newport pier. There was a little store that sold records and tapes and t-shirts and posters and the usual mid-80s teen/young adult stuff. I'd fled Hawaii to get out of a place where I was a hated outsider to be around "my" people, white people, and was trying on the anti-Semitic sayings and tropes they seemed to generally believe in. So I was in this store, looking around, and said some stupid anti-Jewish thing as I walked out that I don't even remember now. And the (Jewish) guy who ran the place said, "Don't worry, there will be a place for you on the kibbutz".

It's always stayed with me. Did he see my not-really-white complexion and think I'm some kind of young and edgy and alienated Jew, as I think a Chabadnik did years later in Palo Alto? The only other thing I can think is he was insinuating that as a Goy I'd be put into some kind of slave labor on a kibbutz, which makes no sense as that's really not a thing. There'd be a place for me on the kibbutz... even at the time I felt wistfully how much I wanted a place where there'd be a place for me. White culture just does not believe in this. Everyone's on their own.

I'm sure that record store owner has to be dead now. This would be in 1986 or 87. I wish I could go back and apologize but I can't. But there's one thing I can do: If I go to Israel I will go to a kibbutz.

So, I had my coffee etc., and then settled down to some practice and got a decent practice in, a bit more than an hour, then cooked some scrambled eggs and some of the marinated beef I'd just gotten on top of it ... it's not too great and reminds me of the low-grade stuff in school lunches back in Hawaii. Last time I was at H Mart the beef section looked better and I can always buy my beef at Nijiya and get much better quality for the price.

I finally got down to cutting up the political campaign signs and made them into drawer liners and got those all done, which means I could put a huge pile of things I'd listed away, instead of having them backing up in boxes in the office. Then I took my old laptop apart and put the pieces on Ebay along with a few other things. I was actually pretty productive.