I may have backslid a bit

 I decided last night, screw the kava, I'll drink *some* and let's see how the sleep goes. The answer was, the sleep went pretty well, except I had some weird dreams the main theme of which seemed to be my losing agency. For example, one was about my old team/coach somehow compelled me to go to some training thing (ostensibly) up North somewhere, and I sensed it was a con as we were getting on the bus, and I tried calling my best friend to rescue me but he just laughed at me and said I should go ... the place up North turned out to be an absolutely beautiful farm with huge trees and delightful paths, but I know I'd be putting in huge hours in the chicken house or similar work and in this way the team would not have to worry about my beating them. 

I did my practice last night, and read a little more in the Ray Brooks book then went to sleep around 7 am which is ... not good. I need to be asleep by 2 or 3 AM. 

I woke up and was fully awake past 3. I had all sorts of plans for the day but like any sensible person I went back to bed and read the rest of the Ray Brooks book. The book is a real tour de force. There's all sorts of things in there I hadn't remembered from reading it years ago, like "Two-Note Tony", the large, slovenly, harmonica player who literally only played two notes, and on a good day made $300 there in Japan. He encouraged Brooks to try busking, and it was onward and upward from there. Running as an undercurrent through the book is the fact the Brooks put in a lot of work, a lot more than I've been putting in daily. 

I finally got up and got out the shakuhachi and looked at myself playing, in the bathroom mirror. I might look dumb, but not nearly as dumb as I looked playing my trumpet. Not even as dumb as I look playing a clarinet. I played Hiromaru and worked on a tune that shows up in Isao Tomita's interpretation of Holst's The Planets but I don't know the name of. I've wanted to be able to play that for 40 years and the shakuhachi has the range to do it, I just can't do more than the beginning now. I really want to get it... 

For regaining agency I did a few exercises and changed out my razor blade and washed up and shaved, and finally, around 7:30, I rode up to H Mart where I got a few things. I got frozen shrimp and some gyoza wrappers because I want to learn to make gyoza, and another carton of Ozeki sake just in case, and a package of Korean type wet and sticky fried chicken and a beer. 

It was *not* warm out there and I wore warm clothes, and had zero bum problems going there and back which was good. I came back and had my chicken and beer.